It was raining all day today zo I decided to surprise Uzzerr Muzzerr when she came to visit.

Ah ‘ave taken up le pipe smoking which ah feel gives me an air of Bourgeoisies more in fitting wiz a Lord of mah stature.
Besides, what eez a smoking jacket without someone inside eet ‘oo eez smoking?

‘Aha’, ah said, chewing the pipe wiz what ah felt waz an air of gentility.
‘Ow nice of you to pay a visit’.
Le Uzzerr ‘orses are taking me far more seriously now zat a smoke also.
Except for Muzzerr and Le Uncle.

‘What eez zat Uzzer Muzzerr, you do not like zis pipe?’
Uzzerr Muzzerr looked az though she about to collapse on le ground.

Zo naturally, ah put zat pipe away.
‘Do not paneec’, ah zaid, ‘all eez not lost Uzzerr Muzzerr’.

Uzzerr Muzzerr eez flapping ‘er arms around
like a windmill and texting someone on ‘er cell phone.
Ah sense ah am big trouble for some reason.

‘Calm down Uzzerr Muzzer’ ah zay, ‘zo you do not like zat pipe zat eez OK’.

‘For ah ‘ave another one – ‘ow does theez look?’

Mah Muzzerr marches over and tells me not to be such a Clown.

‘But ah am not being a Clown – zis eez being a Clown, Muzzerr,’ ah zay.

Ah am getting in to pulling le Clown faces.

All of a sudden Uzzerr Muzzerr shows mah Muzzerr le text message she ‘as written to le ‘orse expert Jenny Paterson…

Dear Jenny Paterson,

Imagine my surprise to find that Zephyr has taken up smoking –

I know it may be my fault in that I was responsible for buying him a smoking jacket but I did not think he’d take that seriously.

How can I stop him before he becomes a problem smoker?
He informs me that it makes him appear bourgeois and that other horses take him far more seriously now that he smokes.

Worried
Cathy

Ah realise now what le panic eez, she zink ah ‘ave developed a ‘abit.
‘What a ridiculous notion’, ah zay, ‘what a ridiculous notion.
Ah can stop whenever ah like’.
And ah give ‘er mah ‘You are a stupeed ‘uman’,  look.