Muzzerr, dragged me over to Uzzerr Muzzerr when she came to see us.

‘This hairy little boy has something he wants to say to you’ she said.

It ‘as been raining all day and ah ‘ave been a bit bored.
Ah may ‘ave mentioned to Madame Possovitz zat Le Uncle
zinks she ‘az a face like le ‘airy bullfrogs’ bottom.

Le Uncle said it first, only not to ‘er face.

So zen she stubbed out ‘er cigarette,
rolled up ‘er sleeves and went looking for Le Uncle.

‘Crikey’ said Le Uncle, ‘oo ‘ad no idea it was ‘im she waz coming for’.
‘That cat looks like she’s about to stick a bunch of pins into a horse-shaped doll’.

Ah pretended ah ‘ad no idea what ‘e was on about.

Ah looked over le fence at le pile of pooh which ah suddenly found quite interesting.

Zen ah found Madame Possovitz lying in wait for Le Uncle.
Ah try to explain to ‘er zat some ‘airy bullfrogs bottoms are very attractive.
Ah am sure, ah zay, zat zat eez le type Le Uncle meant.

Ah am pretty sure ah a’ve got away wiz eet. Ah let out an evil guffaw.
Mwha ha ha, ah zay, zat cat will believe anyzing.
Zen ah catch sight of Muzzerr out of le corner of mah eye.

Muzzerr ‘as stopped ‘er ‘oovering mid mouthful, and is glaring at me.

Ah realise ah am still doing mah evil laugh, zo ah pretend
ah am stretching mah neck  instead.
Ah can zee Madame Suckymoto staring at me.

Madame Suckymoto ‘as all le attention span of a wet acorn.

Ah decide to kiss Muzzerr; ah am never in trouble when ah do siz.

‘Son’, she said, ‘what have you done now?’

‘Ow does she always know when ah ‘ave done somezing?

‘Whatever it is’ she said, ‘you need to apologise to whoever you did it to, now’.

And zat eez what ah waz doing being dragged over to Uzzerr Muzzerr.
If ah make apology faces to ‘er ah will get a big cuddle and lots of scratches
and possibly even some pieces of carrots.
Eh Uzzerr Muzzerr? Le Carrots?