Hoover sings and Opera and Zephyr Translates…

It is good to be ‘ome, UzzMuzz can not stop kissing me every chance she get.
Ah do not mind.
Ah understand that ah am l’extremely kissable young man.
Ah stand by le fence and wait for ‘er to rush out with le kiss.

This moaning, we get up early and go for le ‘ike with le good friend Bennoir.
Ah ‘ave to get L’impet organised because UzzMuzz ‘as no idea ‘ow to do it.

Finally, afteur much farting about, we are ready to gallop off.

We  ‘ike round le roadside and Benoir bounce about le bit but ah stay le cool and calm.
Attack birds, le tractor, le group of ‘orses, le barky dogs, le reindeer and le bull with le big ‘orns do not scare me.
When we get back, UzzMuzz exclaim – ‘He has not even broken a sweat!’
Benoir and moi inspect le grass for l’azzards and while we are looking, we stuff le faces.

When we get back ah discoveur L’imbicile ‘as taken up L’opera song.
Muzzeur ‘as ‘ad enough.
“It is all in Italian, she moan, I have no idea what he is singing about”
Ah do not care, ah inspect l’ay bag to make sure ‘e ‘as not eaten it all.

“Do not worry Muzzeur,” ah say when ah ‘ave finished l’ay bag,
“ah am le world’s most ‘elpful little boy so ah will translart”.
We settle down to listen to L’ooveur. This will be le most boring afteurnoon eveur, ah am glad ah ‘ave all l’excitement this moaning.

Besard, ‘ow ‘ard can it be, everybody know Italian is English – backwards.
L’imbicile clear ‘is throat and begin …
“Bella siccome un angelo
in terra pellegrino.”
Quelle ‘orreur, this is awful.

“What is he saying whispeur Muzzeur?
Of course, ah ‘ave no idea so ah make it up.
“ah am l’imbicile with very little brain” ah say  – ah cannot ‘elp le smile as ah realise, Muzzeur, believe me.

‘e continue, as ‘e stare into Muzzeur’s eye with le sickening intensity.
Ah ‘ate ‘im…

“Fresca siccome il giglio
che s’apre in sul mattino.
Occhio che parla e ride,
sguardo che i cor conquide.
Chioma che vince l’ebano
sorriso incantator.
Sorriso incantator”.

“Of course what ‘e mean ‘ere”, ah explain,  “is
ah lark to fart and ah can canteur too.
‘e repeat le bit about le canteuring and farting several tarm”

Ah can gallope and fart ah think but ah am too polite to mention it.

“Alma innocente e candida,
che sé medesma ignora;
modestia impareggiabile,
dolcezza che innamora
ai miseri pietosa”

This is le most boring opera ah ‘ave eveur ‘eard.
Come to think of it, it is l’only opera ah ‘ave eveur ‘eard, ‘oweveur, in Muzzeur’s best interest ah continue to translart despart nearly dying of le boredom.
“‘e is now saying that ‘e lark to  tippy toe around in le show ring  so ‘e can showoff to all la girls – e sing about ‘ow much ‘e especially love la beige tart and ‘ow much she love ‘im” ah add, looking at ‘er from le corneur of le eye.
Ah can sense Muzzeur getting more and more le cross. eh eh eh.

“gentil, buona, amorosa.
Il ciel l’ha fatta nascere
per far beato un cor.
per far beato un cor.
Il ciel l’ha fatta nascere
per far beato un cor.”

Finally ‘e finish. Ah thought it would neveur end.
“What was that last bit about Son?”
“erm, something about ‘is present girlfriend ‘aving become fat and something about ‘er l’uge backsard.” ah sigh as if ah am sorry about this.
eh eh eh.

It is now tarm to tippy toe backward away from Muzzeurr before she explode all oveur le place.
eh eh eh.

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