Oveur this winteur, ah try le new fashion. Ah grew le beard.
Ah am so fashionable l’oldeur ‘orzes are queuing up to complain about it.

‘What the bloodyhell do yer call that?’ ask L’Uncle.
‘It is le latest fashion’ ah reply, ‘it is called le bearrrd’

‘Well Son, you look loike some pillock freshly escaped from a religious cult’.
Ah keep le dignified silence.
Actually ah am trying to translate ‘is Australian in l’ead before ah answeur ‘im.

On and on ‘e go and ah am still trying to translate what ‘e say 10 minute ago..

‘That is a very dignified silence you are maintaining there Zephyr’ say Uzzeur Muzzeur.
She is smiling at me as usual. It do not take much for ‘er to think ah am le most wonderful and cleveur ‘orze on le ‘ole planet.
eh eh eh.
‘What are you on about?’ say L’Uncle, ‘Zephyr is about as dignified as ugg boots on a starfeesh’

‘L’Uncle’ ah whisper, ‘do not credit me with quite so much dignity; la starfish ‘as many feet’.
Ah can not understand where le wisdom come from in le spur of le moment but out it come.
Of course, ah am le most dignified ‘orze in le ‘ole paddock, but it does not ‘urt to show some ‘umility.

‘Oh Good Grief,’ sigh L’Uncle, ‘here it comes, now yer speaking a load of bollocks that nobody understands, least of all you; oi suppose you have changed yer name to something loike ‘Ezykill Hopeful Carrot Worshipper”

Ah do lark le carrots.
‘Ezykill Notso Hopeful Carrot Snatcher?’ ‘e say as ‘e tug at le beard.

L’Uncle’, ah say in le most dignified tone, ‘you are speaking in l’australian and, as you know, we French ‘orzes do not understand this abomination of le tongue’.

To emphasize le point ah poke le tongue out and blow le rasberry.
‘BrrrRRRRRRRrrrrrrrr’ ah go with ah ‘ope is l’uge amount of le dignity.
L’Uncle appear to be most impressed.

‘There’ ah say to Uzzeur Muzzeurr, ‘you will not see anything more dignified than that’.