Interviewing techniques

Muzzeur ‘as been getting all sorts of attention from all sorts of media lately.

‘Ah will ‘andle this, Muzzeur’ ah whisper. Ah know ‘ow to get rid of l’imposteur.

‘Muzzeur does not want to give any interviews today’; ah shout loudly so L’imbecile will understand.

Then ah remove le recording devices.
‘Excuse moi Madame’ ah say, ‘but ah will take this’.

To mah astonishment, l’imbecile point le finger at me and tell me ah am a naughty boy!

‘Ah think you meant that ah am le most ‘andsome young man you ‘ave eveur met,’ ah reply.

Clearly she agree and soon we are exchanging le kisses.

She is not such an imbecile after all.

Ah offeur to give ‘er some of mah learned advice.
She ees pointing le microphone at Muzzeur’s shoulder, ‘er interviewing technique ‘as a lot to be desired.
‘That is Muzzeur’s shouldeur’ ah say ‘elpfully, ‘you need to point that at Muzzeur’s mouthpiece’.

Then it is mah turn to be interveiwed.
She ‘as no idea ‘ow to do this.
She does not even ask me any questions. No matteur, ah ‘ave all l’answers.

She is waving le microphone all oveur le place, it is no matteur, ah realise she is l’imbicile after all and it is up to me to keep talking and follow it.

‘As ah was saying,’ ah say, ‘ah receive mah Proffeseurship in le veterinary science last year. Le youngest (and most ‘andsome) ‘orze eveur to do such a thing’.

Of course L’imbecile does not understand le word ah say.
Clearly, she is not educated.

Then she start warbling at me. Ah ‘ave no idea what she is going on about.
Ah put on mah ‘quite interested’ look. Ah am not at all interested.

All ah can do is wait for ‘er to finish what she ‘as to say.
Ah am le polite young man.
On and on she go.

Finally she finish and ah can tell ‘er more about me.
‘ah gain le Masteurs in veterinarian science, le science of teefs and physiotherapy’ .
For some reason, she find this very amusing. Ah do not feel very amused.