Muzzeur is ‘aving le visit from la Massuese today.
Luckily ah am on ‘and with le benefit of mah minutes of training.
‘Do not worry Muzzeur’ ah assure ‘er, ‘ah will show this person what to do’.
Muzzeur does not seem as ‘appy as se should be to ‘ave ,e at ‘er side.

Zis Masseuse get to work on Muzzeur.
‘Excusey moi,’ ah say, ‘you will want to learn all about anatomy’.

She ignore me but ah do not mind.
‘Zis ‘ere, eet ees Muzzeurs’ Back’ ah say knowledgeably.

As she continue to ignore me, clearly, she ‘as le deafness problem so
ah say eet louder – ‘BAAAAACK’ ah shout
‘and now you are working on Muzzeurs Arse’

‘ARRRRSE,’ ah emphasize it.
This ah learn in mah anatomy class.
Eet is true ah did not listen very carefully, anatomy is le very boring subject,
‘oweveur, ah do know l’arse when ah see one.

Clearly this imbecile ‘as no understanding of what arses are for so ah show ‘er.
‘Look, Imbecile’, ah say, ‘you can rest your ‘ead and sleep on Muzzeur’s big arse’.
Ah nuzzle around to find le softest spot.

‘Ahhhhhhh’ ah sigh, and am almost asleep when….

Quelle ‘orreur,  ah notice she carry on without mah guidance.
‘Listen very carefully’, ah say, ‘ah shall say this only once’.

But Uzzeur Muzzeur is distracting me and ah ‘ave forgotten what it is ah was about to say.
La Masseuse wait expectantly for me to shower ‘er with mah wisdom.
Ah am thinking so ‘ard it ‘urt.

For once ah am at a loss for words, so ah bestow on ‘er le kiss of knowledge.

‘Did you see that Le Uncle, you may ‘ave shot le Sherrif but ah kiss la Masseuse’.

‘Ah kiss la Masseuse,’ ah repeat, guffawing loudly so everyone will realise ‘ow funny ah am.

Then, in a stroke of genius, ah add, ‘But ah did not kiss le Veterinary’.

We all laugh so ‘ard at that one, le Masseuse almost fall over.

Ah am on le roll. Ah am le most ‘ysterical ‘orze in le ‘ole paddock.

Then ah notice Uzzeur Muzzeur, she is glaring at me.
It is then that ah remember, ah am ‘ere to give advice, not to tell le jokes.
It is ‘ard to keep a straight face.

Ah put on mah serious face.

But this is no laughing matter, ah ‘ave to pull mahself togetheur and save Muzzeur’s arse.
Ah guide le ‘and of la Masseuse and together, we save Muzzeur.
There will be no laughing ‘er arse off while ah am ‘ere, making sure it is firmly attached to ‘er back.