Eet ‘as been a while since ah last wrote.
Mah brilliance, which normally flow out of me lark la bat from le cave ‘as been curtailed somewhat lately.

‘oweveur, do not fear, ah will ‘eave mahself to mah ‘ooves and let
you know what ‘as been going on.

Le Uncle and ah ‘ad an arguement oveur ‘oo was le most ‘andsome ‘orze in le paddock. Of course, eet ees me, but ‘e did not see eet that way so we did not talk for 2 ‘ole days.

Then, ‘oo should arrive ‘ome but Muzzerr!

‘Muzzerr!’ ah cry, ‘you are back!’ and ah gallop oveur faster than a speeding pullet.

Le Uncle and ah ‘ave a race to ‘er, which of course ah win.

Muzzerr stand staring at us both.
Ah ‘ave grown so tall and ‘andsome she do not recognise me.

‘Son,’ she say, ‘is that really you?’

Ah assure ‘er eet ees.
And then ah get a big telling off from ‘er for being a rude boy.
Muzzerr would not know a rude boy eef ‘e jump out of ‘er feed bowl and say BOO.

‘She ees back,’ ah sigh to Le Uncle, now ah realise ah ‘ave to be’ave mahself again and things do not seem so good.

‘Leesenup ya spoiled leedle Tosser’ whisper Le Uncle, ‘Don’t mention anything to your Mother about Les Girls’.
Le Uncle ‘as been ‘aving an affair with Les Girls next door while Muzzerr ‘as been on ‘oliday.

Ah suddenly realise le potential for le blackmail ‘ere.
They do not call me Zephyr Soprano for nothing.
‘Do you want a fart about thees?’ ah say.

Le Uncle ‘e ees spoiling for a fart.

But ‘e ees le old man and ah am le enforcer in this paddock.
Ah will show ‘im ‘oo ees le best farter een thees paddock.

But, Muzzerr ees watching us and she ees giving us ‘Le Look’.
‘Have some DIGNITY and stop fighting’ she say.
Where do we get thees ‘dignity?’ ah think and ah wonder what eet taste lark.

Ah gallop off to find a bag of eet.

Le sheeps, ‘oo are bald on account of being shaved, say they would lark some too.
Sheeps eat anything.

So we stop farting and ah realise LE Uncle must ave eaten all le Dignity so once again Le Uncle and ah are no longer talking.