When Uzzerr Muzzerr and mah Dad finally got to le paddock with noms
this morning, ah ‘ad ‘oped they would settle an argument that ‘as
been raging all through le night.

Ah explain to Uzzerr Muzzerr about Le Uncle and Monsieur Patterson
‘oo are een love with Les Girls next door.

Even le old ‘airy Les girl make (as Muzzerr say) ‘le boys be’ave
lark a sack full of rabbits’.

‘Ahhhh’ sigh Monsieur Patterson. ‘Dose Golden Goils’.

‘They’re not golden’ yell Muzzerr.

‘I think you’ll find they are’ say Le Uncle.

Muzzerr look over at les girls.
‘They are no more golden than your crap’ she say.

‘Come on now Merl,’ say Le Uncle, ‘no need to get a bit cranky over it’.
She ‘ate eet when ‘e call ‘er Merl.

‘I’m just saying’ Muzzerr is shouting now,
‘those girls are not golden’.

‘Well what would you call them?’ Le Uncle ask.

‘BEIGE’ sneer Muzzerr. ‘They are BEIGE’.

That made Le Uncle take a second look. ‘Beige you reckon?’ ‘e say.

‘Yes’ smirk Muzzerr, ‘Plain BEIGE’.

‘Well,’ say Le Uncle, ‘I don’t think there is a BEIGE class at the local A & P show’.

‘Exactly’ say Muzzerr, ‘Beige is not a colour that should be allowed out anywhere’.

‘I dunno, Merl’, say Le Uncle, ‘what about Palomino?’

‘PALOMINO MY ARSE,’ Muzzerr is really getting wound up now.

‘Those TROLLOPS are B.E.I.G.E.‘

‘Well then,’ said Le Uncle finally, ‘what’s that make Zephyr then?’

Muzzerr turn and stare at me for a long moment.

Then she look back at Les Girls.
Mah Dad ees trying to make me laugh. I refuse. Eet ees not funny.

Les Girls are waiting expectantly.

Then Muzzerr realise, Le Uncle ‘as won again.