Quelle ‘orreour! Annus ‘orribilis and every other ‘orribilis.
Today our game of ‘‘ad it up to ‘ere’ was rudely interrupted.

And ah was dragged off and subjected to Water Torture.

Just between you and me, ah would ‘ave told Uzzerr Muzzerr
everyzing she needed to know wizout ‘aving to be tortured in zis ‘orrific fashion.

Uzzerr Muzzerr ‘osed mah legs first but she got no information out of zem.

Zen, as she reached into a bucket for anuzzer instrument of torture,
ah thought to mahself…shall ah bite ‘er enormous bottom and make good mah escape?

But she was too quick, she spun around before ah could do anyzing.

And she applied Le Damp Sponge.

And zat iz when ah told ‘er everyzing ah know.

‘Le Uncle iz still seeing la girls next door’ ah zaid.

And zat bit of information earned me a big cuddle and ah kiss. Why did ah not make zumzing up earlier?

Ah am told zat tomorrow Muzzerr and ah are going in a beauty pageant.
No war ‘orze ever ‘ad to endure such a zing! and ah am to be on mah best be’aviour,
Ah don’t ZINK zo.