Today Le Uncle asked if ah could ‘put in a good word wiz mah Muzzer’.

What word would you like me to use? ah ask.

Ah know lot’s of good words now, ah explain

‘No no Mate’, ‘e zaid, ‘you misunderstand me, ah want you to tell your Mother that I am a ‘Bonzer bloke’’.

Zat waz two words but ah did not point zat out; instead, ah tell ‘im ah will inform mah Muzzerr immediately.

Ah ‘ave no idea what a ‘Bonzer Bloke’ iz but ah ‘ave an idea it mean ‘e is like
la bonza tree.

No one is going to trim mah roots. Not even Le Uncle.

Don’t touch le ‘air ah zay.

You are not going to trim mah roots.

Later on, Le Uncle tell me ah should clean mah teeths more often.

Zo ah secretly polish zem on ‘is cheek right ‘ere

Zen ah go and look for mah Muzzerr to tell ‘er zat Le Uncle iz a Bonza Bloke.
On le way ah come across mah Fazzer and something awful appen.

I sniff mah Fazzer’s ‘ead zo ‘ard ah sniff al ‘iz mane off.

Muzzerr, ah wail, just in case she ‘az zeen what ‘appen, ah ‘ave done something terrible without even trying.

What iz it son? When ah realise she ‘as no idea what ‘appen, ah am too buzy wailing up a storm of sincerity to answer ‘er.

Zen ah notice Le Uncle glaring at me.
‘BONZA BLOKE,’ ‘e mouths.

Ah give a big loud insincere sniff.

‘Son’, mah Muzzer says, in la growly voice she uses when she is cross wiz me, ‘what have you done?’ she must ‘ave sensed la insincerity.
Right about zen ah ‘ad another brilliant idea.
‘Ah forgot to clean mah teeths’ ah zaid, and added,  ‘Le Uncle iz a Bonza Bloke and ‘e ‘elped me clean zem’.
Mah Muzzerr, iz now very impressed wiz Le Uncle, ah can play wiz ‘im any time ah want.