Eet ‘as been le year since ah last wrote le blog yet ah do not apologise.

Uzzeurr Muzzeurr is at fault ‘ere, she ‘as been resisting mah attempts to get ‘er to take le dictation. Much ‘as ‘appen since ah last wrote which ah must fill you in on.

L’Uncle fell asleep in February and did not get up again. We did not know what to do at first. We ‘ung out together and Uzzeurr Muzzeur leak water out of  l’eye for many le week all over Muzzeur’s mane. Of course ah would not let ‘er get near mine.

Then le new ‘orze turn up out of le blue – ‘e introduce ‘imself as L‘oof ‘efner.

Naturally, ah inform ‘im politely that ‘e is ler big tosseurr and, incredibly, ‘e try to beat me up.

As ah ‘ave important stuff to attend to, ah leave mah defense in Muzzeur’s capable ‘ooves. Ah would ‘ave stayed and beaten ‘im to le pulp of course but duty call me.

‘e does not last ‘ere very long afteur ah suggest Uzzeurr Muzzeur lark to gallop non stop. Eh eh eh.

Next to arrive is le big lump of l’orze ooze name is L’oover. ‘e is la complete embicile.

Ah inform ‘im of this on mah way to do busy stuff. Muzzeur can deal with ‘im ah think.

But Quelle ‘orreur Muzzeur is nowhere to be found. Ah must deal with this embicile mahself. Ah give ‘im le run for ‘is money…

‘Bart mah Berm’ ah say to ‘im – ah did not mean it!

It was soon afteur this ah discoveur that L’embicile ‘as moved in as Muzzeur’s boyfriend! Ah cannot believe it. ‘Hoover is your new Step father’ she say. ‘e is not much oldeur than ah am! This is truly anus ‘orribilus.

‘Ah do not want le step father ‘ ah mutter but it is no good, ‘e ‘as moved in and ‘e act lark ‘e own ler place.

Apparently it was all le grumbling that sent me to Boot camp which is where ah am writing this from.

Ah am ‘ere to learn la manneurs apparently and to get used to carrying Uzzeur Muzzeur around on mah back. As if she cannot walk ‘erself!

Yesterday you would not believe what ‘appen.
Le big limpet with ler flapping arms and clangy bits get thrown onto mah back. It grab me around le gut and don’t let go.

Naturally ah am not going to put up with this so ah let fly with le most impressive moves anyone ‘ave eveur seen. Ah fly around at le speed of lart and still le limpet cling on.

Finally ah decide enough is enough, ah am le fair chappe, if le limpet need to ‘ug me, ‘e can and ‘e does. It is l’endearing moment until ah am rescued by le same man ‘oo ‘ustle me out of le bed.

‘e jump on top of le limpet and try to wrestle it to le ground. Ah do not mind, it is quite interesting and ‘e will remove l’impet which now think it mah best friend. It is not.

Eventually, afteur much struggle between le man and limpet, le man win and wrestle limpet to le ground. Ah am escorted back to le quarters where ah ‘ave food and la girlfriend right next door.
Ah will write more tomorrow. Nom nom nom.