Muzzeurr, go off for le massage and came back with le ‘air cut to end all ‘air cut.

L’Uncle could not believe ‘is eye.
‘Crikey!’ ‘e exclaim.

Muzzeurr is embarrassed, ah am embarrassed for ‘er.

‘Best not say anything L’Uncle’ ah warn ‘im.

But it is too late..
‘Did yer get too close to the hedge trimmer’ ‘e blurt out.

‘I beg your pardon Persil?’
luckily she did not ‘ear what ‘e actually say.

L’Uncle wink at me before ‘e continue,
‘Oi said…’

Ah quickly interrupt ‘im, ‘Muzzeurr,’ ah whisper, ‘that is la beautiful ‘air cut, tell me all about it’.

Ah wink back at L’Uncle,
‘Watch and learn’ ah say, ‘we french ‘orzes ‘ave a way with la mares’.
‘Talk to me oveurr dinner’ ah say to ‘er.
Ah surprise mahself with that one.

‘Why Zephyr,’ she say, ‘that is very nice of you!’.

‘Ah would love to ‘ear all about your day Muzzeurr’ ah say.
Of course ah ‘ave no intention of ‘earing anything Muzzeurr ‘as to say.
At this rate, ah will ‘ave Muzzeurr eating out of mah ‘oof in no time at all.

L’Uncle watch me. ‘e can not believe what ‘e is ‘earing.
Australian stock ‘orzes ‘ave no idea ‘ow to be’ave around La Mares.
Ah will show ‘im.

‘e wink at me again, ‘Go on ya liddle Ripper, tell ‘er she’s Fair dinkum top shelf stuff’.

Ah will not be telling ‘er she is le stuffed, she would ‘ave mah guts for garteurrs.

At last dinneurr is served. Ah am starving.
Of course, ah ‘ad forgotten all about le promise to Muzzeurr.
‘Well, I went to the massage stables’ she start, and then ‘bleuh bleuh thought I was getting a massage bleuh bleuh ‘aircut bleuh’
‘Tell me more Muzzeurr, it is fascinating’ ah mumble into mah ‘ay.

She take me literally, ‘bleuh bleuh this and bleuh bleuh that’
Ah start dreaming about galloping about in le big field of cloveur, ah am falling asleep ah am so bored.

And you’ll never guess who I saw’, she is saying, when ah suddenly wake up.
Ah try, ‘l’airdresseurr?’

L’Uncle ‘as ‘is smoking jacket on, ‘e is staring at me in disbelief.
‘Crikey’ ‘e say, ‘ya stuffed that one roight up the gurgler ya great beeg hairy tossa’.

‘Tosseurr, L’Uncle’ ah sigh. ‘It is Tosseurr’.