Quelle ‘orreur, ah ‘ave mah primordial Aunt Roz ees visiting and ah ‘ave been
threatened with all sorts of torture eef ah do not be’ave mahself.

Le problem with le elderly Aunts ees they always want to kiss me.

And they say things lark, ‘‘oo ‘as been a good boy then’, and ‘‘asn’t ‘e grown up’.
Ah want an Aunt ‘oo say interesting stuff.

‘ere she come now.

‘Hello young man’ she say; so far so good ah think.

And then ‘ere eet come… ‘Give us a great big kiss’ she say.
And ah ‘ave to kiss ‘er ‘airy lips.

Actually eet isn’t too bad. Ah give ‘er another one

Then all of a sudden she ees exclaiming over mah ‘mutton chops’
and reliving ‘er boyfriends in le days of le ‘ippies

‘You look just like one of my ex’s!’ she exclaim.
‘He had big hairy mutton chops just like yours’.
Ah cannot believe what ah just ‘ear. Ah am een shock.
Eet ees too much information for mah digestion.

Ah am going to ‘ave to learn to shave immediately.