Today Le Sheeps are worried and az usual, Muzzerr, blames me.

La Good Sheep Lollypop heard zat Le Daily Llama was coming to visit and she ‘ave nuzzing to wear.
Madame Lollypop ‘asn’t got a lot of wool so naturally she iz panicking.
‘Holy Crap, what should I wear?’ she zaid, clearly looking at Muzzerr.
Iz mah Muzzerr la ‘oly Crap?

Ah ask Gollamb, ‘e usually know everyzing.

‘Eh Gollamb?’ ah ask, ‘Iz mah Muzzerr La ‘Oly Crap?’

In fact, come to zink of it ah am certain it waz you ‘oo spread zis rumour.
Wasn’t it, Gollamb.

‘Ow many ‘orzes will be making le trek to our place to worship La ‘Oly Crap ah wonder.

Ah do not want to share mah Muzzerr wiz anyone.

‘GOLLAMB!, will everyone be wanting to worship at le ‘ooves of la ‘oly Crap?

Gollamb cannot confirm anyzing az ‘is Aunt is right be’ind ‘im.

Zo, ah go off n search of Le Uncle. ‘e iz standing around doing nuzzing in le forest.

‘Allo Le Uncle’ ah zay, ‘remember me?’
Ah always introduce mahzelf first az Le Uncle iz an old ‘orze and ‘iz memory iz not zo good.

‘Le Uncle?’ Ah zay. Le Uncle ‘as been crabby lately as ‘e ‘as ‘ad a sore leg.

Ah know all about le sore legs, ‘aving injured mine  when ah got bitten by ah shark.
Zo ah check ‘iz sore leg out. It look OK to me.

‘Le Uncle,’ ah zay, ‘Iz mah Muzzerr La ‘oly Crap?’

Huh? …. Huh?

Zuddenly it iz all on. ‘Where did you get THAT from?’, zay Le Uncle
az ah skillfully dodge ‘iz ‘airy Australian lips.

Muzzerrr is watching us zo ah yell, ‘You are being watched by La ‘oly Crap’

Zen ah explain to Le Uncle what le game plan iz.

‘La ‘oly Crap iz watching’, ah zay, ‘zo ah ‘ave to be telling you off for zumzing you ‘ave not done’…

Le Uncle agree. Muzzerr iz always telling ‘im off for stuff ‘e ‘as not done.

‘MATE’, he yell “What have I done wrong this time?”
Ah ‘ave to think for a bit.

‘Huh?’ say Le Uncle, ‘Huh?’

Suddenly it occur to me.
‘You ‘ave got to stop contacting la old girlfriend next door’ ah zay.

Judging from le look on ‘iz face, ah probably should not ‘ave mentioned ‘iz ex girlfriend. She iz zumzing ‘e did do for once.

‘Crikey, Son,’ zay Le Uncle, ‘Did you have to mention her in front of your Mother’.

‘She’ll go bananas’.

‘Are you calling La ‘oly Crap a banana?’ ah yell.
Ah am on a roll now.

“Son’, ‘e zay, ‘don’t be a smart arse with me’.

But ‘e iz waffling on in Asutralian zo ah ‘ave no idea what ‘e iz talking about az usual zo ah carry on.

Ah am in a fart to le deaths – ah am farting for la ‘onour of le ‘oly Crap

Suprisingly La ‘oly Crap iz taking no notice zo ah try le fire breathing
like a dragon, but no fire will come out no matter ‘ow ‘ard ah puff.

Zo zen ah ‘ave to pull le Uncle’s tail.

Zen ah notice Le ‘ouse God is watching.

Le ‘ouse God iz a loud-mouthed Siamese with too much to zay for ‘imself.
Ah am tempted to practice mah fire-breathing on ‘im.

But Le Uncle rushes over to warn me about getting on le wrong side of Le ‘ouse God. It turn out Le ‘Ouse God iz a ‘oly Crap too.

‘Should we notify Le Daily Llama?’ ah ask.

‘Never trust a Siamese’ zaid Le Uncle.

‘What iz ‘e going to do,’ ah zay, ‘Fart me?’

‘Son’ zaid LeUncle, and ah just know ah am in for a big lecture all in Australian.
‘When a Siamese cat farts they can clear an entire forest in two seconds’.

Now finally ah understand le meaning of la ‘oly crap.