“Today ah am 1 monz old, and you might zink it vould be marked wiz a cake, but eet iz not”
“Why do ah inzist on speaking wiz a ridiculoz accent ah hear you ask?”
“Because all existentialists are French and ah am no exception (and yez, zat iz my muzzer in ze background looking exceptionally stupeed)”
“On zis day, ze day of my birth exactly 1 monz ago, ah could not touch my toes” 
“Ah did not know where zay were”
“And yet, zey were here all along, waiting for me to discover zem”. 
“Some might look at me and zay you are a very handsome horze”.
“Ah can not disagree”
Pffft!
